(Chelsea Update would like to thank Kristin Krarup-Joyce, Ed. S. NCSP, Ellen Kent, Ed. S. NCSP and Emily Verbeke, Ed. S. NCSP for the information in this weekly column. If you have a question for one of the school psychologists, please email [email protected]. All information will be kept confidential.)
Question: Recently, my son seems “down” on himself. He has made comments like, “I hate myself,” and “I’m stupid.” What is the best way to handle these types of comments?
Answer: It is so hard to hear your child make negative comments about himself. Comments like these are often a signal that your child needs some extra attention.
While this must be taken seriously, it is important not to overreact. You may want to start by asking him what is going on to cause him to feel like this. Once you find out what is going on, you can refute his claims with the facts.
If he is upset about not performing well in a sport, point out what he is doing right, and help him practice what he needs to work on. If it an academic concern, talk with his teacher to get her perspective. Find out what you can do to help at home.
Helping children identify times in the past when they were initially not successful at something but then worked hard to get better can be a good way to frame current challenges that your child may feel that they can’t overcome. Also, keep in mind that some children are more prone to dwelling on challenges or failures and not noting even small positive aspects of their day.
Modeling yourself your own appreciations of the good parts of your day rather than only sharing the difficulties may help show your son that even when there are bad parts of a day, there are often good parts of the day, too. Recent articles and books focused on gratitude or mindfulness may give you some good suggestions about how you can make focusing on the positive a part of your whole family’s mission.
Regardless, it is a good idea to check in with your child’s teacher. She may have some additional insight regarding what is going on. Try to find out what his mood is like at school. Is he playing with others at recess?
If you’ve tried all of the above, and your child is still upset with himself, you may want to consider professional counseling. This doesn’t necessarily mean months and months of therapy; it could be just a few sessions to help your child get back on track.
Your school psychologist, social worker, and/or counselor can provide resources for outside counseling.
