(Chelsea Update would like to thank Kristin Krarup-Joyce, Ed. S. NCSP, Ellen Kent, Ed. S. NCSP and Emily Verbeke, Ed. S. NCSP for the information in this weekly column. If you have a question for one of the school psychologists, please email [email protected]. All information will be kept confidential.)
The school psychologists were asked for suggestions about how to deal with childhood anger.
This is a complicated question, and the answer may vary according to the child’s age. However, for the purpose of this article, we will focus on anger in school-aged children.
First of all, it may be helpful to understand the source of the anger: is there stress at home? Is your child tired? Does he feel bullied by a sibling or peer at school? Has there been a recent loss in the family? (Death of a loved one or pet.) Often, knowing the cause can help guide the solution.
It is also useful to understand your own feelings of anger and the way you deal with them. Children learn from observing their parents. It is important for parents to be aware that their method of dealing with anger is observed and will be imitated and learned by their children.
Typically, children direct their anger toward other children or their parents because they do not have good coping strategies.
Here are some things to try:
- Positive reinforcement-focus on your child’s good behaviors instead of focusing on her bad ones. Again, depending on age, he or she may respond to a sticker chart or verbal praise for keeping her cool. Be consistent with your reinforcement.
- Help your child understand and express his or her feelings. When his voice becomes louder and louder, tell your child you will wait until he is calm. Validate the anger while asking what you can do to help: “I see that you are angry. What can I do to help?”
- Help your child learn problem solving skills. Role playing different solutions and teaching problem solving techniques will also be beneficial to your child because you can demonstrate positive, non-violent ways to solve conflict.
- Self talk and relaxation: By school age, positive self talk can help your child to talk himself down from an angry outburst. Self talk statements such as, “I can handle this. I’m OK. Stay calm.” are useful ways to help children control their anger. Teach him relaxation techniques such as deep breathing and counting to 10. (School psychologists, school social workers, and counselors have lots of other great tools to share. Contact one of us for additional ideas and resources.)
A very useful resource is the workbook, “What to Do When Your Temper Flares” by Dawn Huebner. It is a workbook that you and your child can do together at home.
If you have further questions, please do not hesitate to contact one of the support staff at your child’s school. We want to help.
(This column will take several weeks off while the schools are closed for Christmas and return in 2015.)
