(Chelsea Update would like to thank Kristin Krarup-Joyce, Ed. S. NCSP, Ellen Kent, Ed. S. NCSP and Emily Verbeke, Ed. S. NCSP for the information in this weekly column. If you have a question for one of the school psychologists, please email [email protected]. All information will be kept confidential.)
Question: My child says he doesn’t have any friends at school and no one to play with. Do you have any suggestions for us?
Answer: A good first step would be to touch base with your child’s teacher. Your child’s comment may have been made as a reaction to a frustrating event, rather than a true reflection of how well your child is interacting with other children. Ask the teacher if your child is getting along with other students in the class.
Does she/he tend to connect with the same students or does she/he float from person to person? What about unstructured times like recess and lunch? Has the teacher noticed your child being picked on or left out by the other children?
Once you have a good picture of what is happening at school, there are certainly ways to help your child feel more socially connected. Since you’ve already broached the subject with your child’s teacher, you can ask for their help. Sometimes this can be as simple as linking specific students with group work or moving desks. Your teacher can help facilitate playdates by suggesting students who might be good matches for your child.
Support staff can help, too. We can schedule special lunch meetings with your child and a friend. This can be a good way to help encourage new friendships.
There are also multiple extracurricular activities that can broaden your child’s opportunities to meet other children and make new friends. The Girl Scouts and Boy Scouts are wonderful organizations that incorporate intentionally welcoming and social activities.
If your child is more into sports or a particular hobby, that could also be a way to connect your child to other like-minded children. If your child is shy and avoids groups, then inviting another child over for a play-date or inviting the child and his/her parents to meet at the ice rink/sledding hill/park/pool, etc. is also a good way to help your child build a friendship.
