By Kristin Krarup-Joyce
I’m hearing about divorce more and more so here are some guidelines for handling it.
- Expect children to handle the divorce as well as it is handled by the adults. Children follow our cues. If we are angry, they are, too. If we communicate, so do they.
- Let the child know that the divorce is NOT his or her fault.
- Be honest about your feelings. Parents need to tell their children, without details, how they feel about their ex-spouse and why. For example, Dad and I had trouble agreeing on how to live in our marriage. I wanted him to be around a lot more, and he felt I limited his freedom.
- Understand the child’s acting out, but give consequences.
- Give the child someone outside the family to talk with – such as a school counselor, family member, peer group or teacher.
- Post-divorce counseling may help. This is for the parents, if communication is poor and both parents can agree to be civil.
- Remain available to the child without prying.
- Handle issues around visitation with your ex-spouse – not through your child.
- Children need “moms” and “dads.” Encourage children to call step-parents mom and dad. They won’t forget their “real” parent.
- Parents must back the step-parent on discipline.
(This information is from Parenting Solutions, Cline/Fay Institute.)
