(Kristin Krarup-Joyce is a school psychologist with the Chelsea School District. Address questions to [email protected]. All questions are confidential. )
What is sibling rivalry?
Sibling rivalry is the jealousy, competition and fighting between brothers and sisters.
It is a concern for almost all parents of two or more kids. Problems often start right after the birth of the second child. Sibling rivalry usually continues throughout childhood and can be very frustrating and stressful to parents. There are lots of things parents can do to help their kids get along better and work through conflicts in positive ways.
Read on for tips to help you keep the peace at your house from the University of Michigan Health System.
What causes sibling rivalry?
There are many factors that contribute to sibling rivalry:
- Each child is competing to define who they are as an individual. As they discover who they are, they try to find their own talents, activities, and interests. They want to show that they are separate from their siblings.
- Children feel they are getting unequal amounts of your attention, discipline, and responsiveness.
- Children may feel their relationship with their parents is threatened by the arrival of a new baby.
- Your children’s developmental stages will affect how mature they are and how well they can share your attention and get along with one another.
- Children who are hungry, bored or tired are more likely to become frustrated and start fights.
- Children may not know positive ways to get attention from or start playful activities with a brother or sister, so they pick fights instead.
- Family dynamics play a role. For example, one child may remind a parent of a relative who was particularly difficult, and this may subconsciously influence how the parent treats that child.
- Children often fight more in families where parents think aggression and fighting between siblings is normal and an acceptable way to resolve conflicts.
- Not having time to share regular, enjoyable family time together (like family meals) can increase the chances of children engaging in conflict.
- Stress in the parents’ lives can decrease the amount of time and attention parents can give the children and increase sibling rivalry.
- Stress in your children’s lives can shorten their fuses, and decrease their ability to tolerate frustration, leading to more conflict.
- How parents treat their kids and react to conflict can make a big difference in how well siblings get along.
(Next time on Feb. 19, we’ll give you tips for dealing with the situation.)
