(Chelsea Update would like to thank Kristin Krarup-Joyce, a school psychologist with the Chelsea School District, for the information in this story. Please e-mail questions to [email protected].)
Q: My child has been having temper tantrums lately. Any suggestions on how to stop this behavior?
A: Temper tantrums are perfectly normal. They typically peak between the ages of 18-36 months. This is when parents and teachers are likely to see an escalation in the frequency, intensity, and/or duration of tantrums.
Some children engage in tantrums for only short periods of time (10–15 seconds), whereas some continue for as long as an hour or two. Although new tantrum behaviors may appear at this time (for example, throwing themselves on the floor, biting themselves, holding their breath), it is more likely that children will merely escalate well established tantrum patterns.
After the age of 3, and as language skills develop, many children exhibit tantrums much less frequently, although tantrums still appear from time to time. However, if children have learned that tantrums are an effective way to get what they want or avoid what they do not want, tantrums may remain a significant problem for parents and teachers.
As parents and teachers will certainly attest, children do not stop having tantrums at a magical age. Indeed, older children, even teenagers, engage in tantrums but are a bit more sophisticated in their approach. These general guidelines can be used with children of all ages.
In order to try to prevent tantrums, the National Association of School Psychologists suggests these preventative strategies:
1. When possible stick to a schedule or routine. Children need predictability.
2. Prompt your child before transitions. For example, say, “When this show is over, it will be time to take your bath.”
3. Help your child build skills when you notice she is having a tantrum about something she can’t do.
4. Teach coping skills. Model how to stop and take a deep breath when you are challenged by something or show him how to take a break away from a frustrating situation. Teach your child that it is OK to ask for help.
5. Give your child choices, when possible.
Intervening with tantrums
Do NOT:
1. Try to reason with your child.
2. Do not give your child what he wants.
3. Allow the child to escape or avoid doing what he does not want to do.
DO:
1. Ignore the behavior.
2. Pay attention when the child is not having a tantrum and minimize attention during a tantrum.
(Adapted from the National Association of School Psychologists)
